Your Questions Answered
Queries
Fighting Hopelessness
Question: My problem is that I feel hopeless all the time not just because I think too much but because whatever happens to me is against my will. It is okay if it happens once or twice but it seems to happen chronically. My second question is that I am not good in communication also. I want to become assertive but I think my fate doesn’t help me with this as well.
Answer: As long as the wheel of life is destined to move on, problems and difficulties will keep popping up. The Almighty has sent us in this world in order to test and try us. The nature of this trial of life varies from person to person. Some people are placed in difficult times and others in prosperous ones, according to the just and wise scheme of the Almighty. The underlying objective, however, remains to test them which one of them is good in deeds. So, the befitting attitude is to submit to the scheme of Allah because it will lead us to the Garden of Paradise. The benefit, we shall reap, in this world because of this submission, is to be contented and satisfied. Try as hard as we may, we cannot undo whatever Allah has willed for us. However, if we learn to see our happiness in the failures that He has willed for us it will not only earn us entitlement to Paradise but also give us a contented heart.
The second question must also be understood in the perspective of the explanation delineated above. Allah has created people of varying skills and capabilities. Some people are awarded the ability of articulation as good as to become immortal orators and some are deprived of the very ability of speaking. While the former group of people is supposed to prostrate themselves in gratitude, the latter group is required to prostrate themselves in submission to God’s will. I think it is rather difficult to be a good Muslim when you are engulfed by God-gifted talents and skills. Our misery and deprivation remind us of Allah and help us to be closest to Him. So the deficiency that you have related is not to be feared. Moses (sws), the great Prophet of Allah, had problems with communicating the message of Allah to the people. What he did is that he prayed very sincerely to the Lord to compensate for the lack of it:
O Lord, relieve my mind, and ease my task for me and loose the knot from my tongue that they may understand my saying. (20:25-8)
Teasing and Bad Luck
Question: I feel some doubts arising in my mind and heart. May be you can clear them up by answering the following questions: i. Whenever anyone says anything that teases me, I feel like replying to him on the spot so that he realizes that he had teased the wrong person. Unfortunately when I don’t do so, this incident remains in my mind for a long period of time and depresses me. What should I do? ii. I want to get famous. But my luck does not favour me?
Answer: I am afraid I do not think that this type of reaction is solely your “specialty”. It is an ailment from which the majority of us suffer. Nevertheless, we must strive our utmost to overcome this ailment. As your very words suggest “he realizes he had teased the wrong person”, it is actually our wounded ego that causes us to react: we do not want to look small; hate to be defeated virtually in any arena; wish to always stand one step ahead of the rest and despise to see anything happen against our taste or liking. In a nutshell, we want that nothing should ever go beyond the well-demarcated circle of our wishes and preferences.
However, a close perusal of interpersonal relations and behavioural studies shows that humans, collectively as well as individually, are bound to unexpectedly face unbecoming attitudes from their relations, friends and other fellows. The reason being that every person has a different temperament, and it is a fact that the habit of losing temper can never be obliterated no matter how hard we try though its extent and intensity can be kept to the minimal. Thus, it is useless to think that we will ever be able to obviate completely the possibility of losing temper. However, it is very desirable that we learn how to hold back when we happen to be fuming with rage. The soothing reality that should help us hold our temper and forgive the offender is that whatever agony that we have to suffer is sure to bring us reward in the Hereafter. The Holy Prophet (sws) is reported to have said:
No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn but Allah expiates some of his sins for that. (Bukhari: No, 5210)
In another Hadith, the Prophet (sws) is reported to have said that brave is indeed the person who holds back when is offended. The Prophet Jesus (sws) has explicated the same trait in the sublime words that follow:
But whosoever shall slap you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue you at the law, and take away your coat, let him have your cloak also. And whosoever shall compel you to go a mile, go with him twain. (Mathew, 5:39-41)
He then explained that it is only befitting for a believer to forgive his offenders than to avenge his sufferings:
But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. (Mathew, 5:44)
The reason he (sws) offers for treating your enemies well is very thought provoking: “if you love those who love you back, then there is nothing outstanding within your persona. It is only when they hate you that you pray for them and always wish good for them.”
For if you love them which love you, what reward have you? Do not even the publicans the same? And if you salute your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the publicans so? Be you therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. (Mathew, 5:46-8)
So when you feel depressed that you have not responded to the ill-manners of some other person, you should convince yourself that holding back and forgiving others are indeed the virtues that great Prophets of Allah have exhorted us to imbibe and practice. In addition, always keep in mind that these virtues will bring you everlasting reward in the Hereafter. I know this is a hard task. One is bound to err many times before one learns how to behave properly. But I assure you that every step, that you take to get over with this ailment, will bring you closer to Allah; and He will definitely help you stand upright. It only demands determination and commitment from your side to adhere to the virtues of forgiveness and excuse.
As far as your second question is concerned, I see nothing wrong with your aspirations to get famous in this world. However, the way you are taking it on your soul does sound a warning to me as your well-wisher. This will surely get you down, if, God forbid, you fail drastically to achieve what you have undertaken to. Did it ever occur to you that you perhaps have not specified a good goal for your efforts to be targeted at? I mean there is some better goal that I can assure you that you will definitely hit even when your efforts are proved fruitless in this world. We have no control or authority to alter the game of life in the present world: we are bounded with many different restrictions that we sometimes cannot go forward one step even we exhaust all our energy. I fully concede that everyone who invests his best efforts eventually comes to reap the benefits as well in this very world. But then odds are enough that this may not be the case with every single human being. This is how the world has been designed. Only one person can be the president of Pakistan though there may be more than one who is eligible enough to assume the seat. I do not deny that a person can be famous through one hundred thousands means nor do I wish to demoralize you. However, the stark reality to which I wish to refer is that “what if you fail?” This uncertainty shows that this field is not worth spending energies and time. The Holy Qur’an has provided us with an alternative arena, god-fearing life. And I tell you that you will never fail once you sincerely set out in this arena to lead a life portrayed by the Book of Allah.
Disobeying the Husband for Da‘wah Work
Question: If a husband allows his wife to go out for work and for entertainment but shows displeasure and annoyance when she leaves home for da‘wah work (propagation of Islam) and other Islamic works like learning and teaching Islam, and if the wife disobeys him and leaves even if he shows disagreement—thinking obviously that he is being unfair, will Allah be displeased with her?
Answer: I fully concede that this decision of the husband is undoubtedly unfair. He ought not to stop his wife from engaging in religious as well as other healthy activities that she wishes to. That is how the life of a couple becomes peaceful and comfortable.
However, the question arises what should be done when he hampers any activity that his wife wants to undertake. It will definitely depend upon the subject matter of what the wife has been stopped from doing. If she is obstructed from carrying out her primary religious responsibilities like saying the obligatory prayer, fasting or in any case from professing faith in Allah, she should not follow her husband no matter what. But if she is impeded not to undertake da‘wah work, I am afraid she should not resist the decision of her husband since it is not what Allah has obligated her to do except within the circle of her close relations and friends that she usually meet in her daily life. This does not mean that she should give up the effort to convince her husband regarding the importance of learning and teaching Islam. She should positively continue her struggle to intellectually convince her husband and persuade him to allow her to do what she so much wishes to. However, she should not rebel against the decisions of her husband. I would like her to know that her reward with the Lord will still be secured if she accepts the decisions, and compromises with her circumstances because every sincere intention brings reward to the believer.